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HELP! [Jul. 10th, 2009|03:17 pm]
[Tags|, ]
[Current Location |living room]
[Current Mood |depresseddepressed]
[Current Music |lil mama and avril lavign-girlfrien]

in supposed to be on the ABC diet but I binged a couple of days ago and lost track of what day im supposed to be on.  Now Im very depressed and having nightmares about being thin.  I get most of my food from the food pantry and I was given french bread, a box of suga cookies, chocolate chip and m&m cookies, and two big t-bone steaks.  i didnt eat the cookies or the bread but I did eat one of the steaks.  I did give some to my momma cat and her three kittens, but Im not supposed to be eating red meat at all.  What I need is some sort of thinspiration, reverse thinspo encouragement or even discouragement idk.  Anything anyone has will be greatly appreciated.I want to fast this weekend.  Anyone want to join me?.  I think it will be better if I had a partner.

Stay strong ladies (and gentlemen?)
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27 pounds! [Jul. 6th, 2009|06:39 pm]
[Current Location |living room]
[Current Mood |indescribableindescribable]

27 pounds.  Thats it. Thats all Ive lost in 4 months.  I had a cardiologist appointment today.  He was proud of me.  the nurse was suspicious and I was bummed.  I really need to do some extra excercise but Im limited to the amount Im allowed to do because I had heart surgery.  I guess Im happy with what ive lost but i want more.  im still fat!  THe  Dr lowered the dosage of my blood pressure pills because he thinks they were making me dizzy.  So thats good anyway.  Tomorrow i see my therapist, boy wont that be fun.  Anyhoo...just wanted to make this post because I was happy and now Im bummed.  On the plus side Ive only had 120 calories today and I dont eat after 6:00PM so Im done.  Heres hoping tomorrow will be a good day too!
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If hello kitty doesnt have a mouth...how can she talk? [Jul. 1st, 2009|06:03 am]
[Current Location |apartment]
[Current Mood |thoughtfulhmmm]
[Current Music |garbage-bleed like me]

dont get me wrong.  i love hello kitty;shes just kinda creepy.  And no, thats not what this entry is about. 
Hi ladies.  How is everyone out there?i havent posted in a couple days because i had no computer.  one of my kittens knocked over a cup of water and it seeped into my old laptop.  I was so mad at both of us, but im over that now.  Yesterday i was out and a guy i havent seen in a year told me he could tell i was losing weight and that i look good.  My doctor and nurse say they see im losing too and my jeans are starting to feel loose...  the only problem is when i look in the mirror all i see is someone who keeps getting fatter by the day.  Which bothers me more than id like..Are they lying to me, or was i just really that fat?!

Failed the ABC diet.  Was going to fast for three days and start over again.  I see a lot of you on here fast and wondered if they would help me lose the weight fast.  Only problem is im on 11 different medications right now and some of them require i eat or ill get sick.  so i had a salad, which turned into two salads...which turned into graham crackers...followed closely by yogurt covered raisins!  O..M..G WHERE is my motivation?  Ive done fasts before when my doctor needed to do blood tests so i know i can do this!  I still got sick after eating with my meds.  Ive been dizzy and achy all day long.  I just got up from a nap and im not much better.
Honestly I dont know what to do about my cravings.  I wear an ana bracelet i made.  Actually i made it in memory of my parents, but its red and says remember on it so i use it for ana too.  But its not working.  honestly if it fell off into my food in the middle of a binge id probablly eat it too.

UUGGHH!! I am SO frustrated right now. Im going back to bed.  Anyone else have a similar problem with their diet?  What do you do to succeed?
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Writer's Block: Childhood Firsts [Jun. 30th, 2009|08:31 am]
[Current Mood |calmcalm]

my mom said i didnt talk until i was three, and when idid it wasn't a word it was a sentence.  She took me to the pediatrician to see what was wrong with me and he told her if my family stopped doing everything for me i would learn to ask for things.  So they did and about a week later i walked up to her and said"i want some juice"  She said i shocked the hell out of her.  So much that i never did get that juice!
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I hate myself [Jun. 26th, 2009|05:28 pm]
[Current Location |living room]
[Current Mood |depresseddepressed]

I hate myself! I feel like crying and I havent cried since my dad died  in 2006
Everything was going fine when I couldnt control my urge(I hate that word) to eat so I had 2 graham crackers and 23 grapes. And a salad  It doesnt sound like a lot but  the graham crackers had 130 calories!
Everything sucks  I hate being fat!  I hate being me.  Im now 200 calories over my limit for the day  If I could still do it I would throw it all up  How do you fight hunger?  Anyone have any good tips?
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So far so good [Jun. 25th, 2009|07:54 pm]
[Current Location |living room]
[Current Mood |bitchywhatever]
[Current Music |hurt by nine inch nails]

Day 2 of my ABC diet.
So far sogood
I haven't binged once. Today I ad:
2c. lettuce                 15 calories according to the bag
1 tbsp fit and active shredded mozzerella       70 calories
1 tbsp fit and active ranch dressing           80 calories
1 c grapes       60 calories

then later I had the same   thats 225 calories altogether
For dinner I had 2 c lettuce             15 calories
1 tbsp fit and active sald dressing    80  calories
1 c grapes    60 calories
and for snack  1 c grapes    60 calories
So that's 440 calories and my limit was 500
today was easy  not hungry at all
tomorrow will be harder
how are you doing?  BTW did you hear Michael Jackson died?
That's a shame
I liked him
Sorry to bum you out, or maybe i didn't  IDK
Anyway let me know how you're doing!

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Im on my way! [Jun. 24th, 2009|01:23 pm]
[Current Location |living room]
[Current Mood |hopefulhopeful]

Ok, so today I started my ABC diet with another girl from lj.
Its 1:24 and so far I've eaten 433 calories.  My limit for the day is 500.  I think for dinner Ill have a cup of grapes which will equal about 60 calories and I' never eat after 6pm.  That should put me at 493 calories for the day

Heres what I've had so far

1 cup seedless grapes   60 calories
1 tbsp peanut butter         95 calories
1 tbsp fit and active jelly spread   37 calories
2 slices wheat bread                  130 calories
fit and active cranberry drink    0 calories
2 cups lettuce                                15 calories
2 tbsp fit and active ranch dressing      70 calories
2 small mushrooms       8 calories
8 grape tomatoes             24 calories
fit and active lemonade              0 calories
water                                            0 calories

Total                                             433 calories

When I look at it it seems like alot but I only ate twice today
Let me know how you guys are doing
stay strong
together we can do this

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One day I will be thin enough [Jun. 22nd, 2009|02:44 pm]
[Current Location |Dayton]
[Current Mood |nervousnervous]
[Current Music |all kinds but rap]

Hi ladies
My name is Renee and this is my first journal so bare with me.
Lets see.I was diagnosed with MAJOR DEPRESSIVE DISORDER WITH SEVERE PSYCHOSIS last year.  In lay men terms that just means I was suicidal.  I spent a total of 6 months of 2008 on the psych ward  I've been out for one year this month and I'm proud of that

.I've struggled with weight since I was 6.  At 16 I weighed 225 lbs.and at my highest weight I was 279.  After my parents died I became borderline bulimic. I no longer hang with mia.  I also did SI.  I'm 5'10 and I want to look like a model.  They usually weigh between 115 and 125 so I have alot of weight to loose.I'm on a new meal plan It goes like this:
Mon-600 calories
I'm going to need lots of support If I'm going to do this, and Id appreciate all that I can get.  In return Ill support you and give any tips I learn.

If this sounds good to you, drop me a line

In the meantime stay strong ladies (or gentlemen)
I know we can do this

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